Cicatrix
by feyechelon
Summary: Buffy goes to Hogwarts after a battle claims the lives of the others. This is a Buffy Snape friendship, maybe romance.
1. Goodbye

After the last great war against evil, there was a last great war, and though Buffy doesn't know how, they won. Sadly, only she and a handful of slayers survived. Riddled with grief, she sent the girls home to their families while she planned to bury her own. 

The cemetery was practically empty save for Buffy herself and some friends from England who knew Giles and Willow during her recovery. She could barely focus beyond seeing their coffins lowered; her only comfort that they wouldn't rise again. The blonde woman swore she would not pull them from their salvation as they had done to her. At the ceremony's end, hard rain left fat droplets atop the cherry polish on Giles' coffin and it was all she could do not to climb down to brush it off. As everyone else turned to go, a white-bearded gentleman approached the grieving slayer. 

"My dear, I know you are in a delicate mood, but I should like to discuss Hogwarts with you once again," Dumbledore coaxed with a calming, lyrical voice. 

"Not now," Buffy whispered, her own voice strained. "Not until they're completely buried and there's no way that someone can hurt them. They don't have to be hurt any longer." 

At this the elderly wizard reprieved, moving slightly farther back to give the girl time to let go of the dead. After moments of doing his best to ignore the anguished screams the girl committed, Dumbledore stepped forward and brought her into his arms. It had been a long while since he'd honestly hugged anyone, not since Harry began turning to Hermione with his problems, but he found while hugging the slayer that he rather missed it. Slowly her tears became fewer and fewer until finally they stopped completely. Softly she mumbled a 'thank you' whilst backing away from him and wiping her eyes. 

"Now my dear, about Hogwarts…"

"I'll go," Buffy blurted, hoping to stop him before he got a lecturing voice like Giles and she broke out into fresh tears. 

Dumbledore only smiled softly in reply and told her to be ready in the morning for his arrival. She nodded mutely and turned away from the cemetery for the last time. 


	2. Hogwarts

Since I forgot this before I don't own Buffy or Harry Potter, they belong to Joss and Rowling.

Chapter Two: Hogwarts

The next morning could find Buffy carefully packing old mementos from her late friends. A picture of Willow, Xander, and Oz in front of the ruins of the old high school, taken just after they'd defeated the mayor. The cross Angel had given her the night she moved to town. And some books Giles had asked her to care for should anything unfortunate happen to him, his watcher's diaries among them but she couldn't bear to read them just yet. Her eyes were red and puffy but far beyond the point of tears. She'd spent the night before wondering if the others had felt this way after either of her deaths, though only Xander and Angel were there for the first. 

Dumbledore appeared around nine-thirty and she was blissfully thankful that he hadn't apparated right into her room. She didn't think attacking one's employer on the first day was a good idea. 

"Are you ready my dear?" he asked.

"Yes, and thank you Albus, for taking me in. I must admit when Giles introduced us I thought you were slightly off, all that magic messing with my senses," the young woman commented.

Dumbledore pulled his wand, and after a whispered, "_wingardium leviosa_" her bags floated around her shoulders. Although stunned, Buffy paid special attention to every spell or incantation he recited. She'd long ago suspected that she wouldn't be able to do proper magic, but she hoped that being the slayer may give her some small amount of power. 

"We'll go by portkey, Buffy," Dumbledore explained while summoning one with the portus spell. "Just think of being at Hogwarts."

They both touched it, and Buffy could immediately feel the pull at her stomach. For just a moment she thought she might have jumped from the tower again. When Dumbledore could focus once more, he was scarcely outside the grounds of Hogwarts. Expecting to hear his companion gasp in surprise, panic struck him as he looked to his side and found no one there.

Buffy was having problems of her own. When she opened her own eyes, she was surrounded by red and gold, green and silver, with no Albus in sight. Just as she was about to ask where she was, she found herself face to face with a greasy man who could best Synder with his sneer. 

"How did you do that?" the man shouted. "How did you apparate into Hogwarts?" 

Thanks to all who reviewed, they mean a lot to me. 


	3. Professor Snake?

This is post season 7 for Buffy and post OoTP for Harry Potter.

Chapter Three: Professor Snake?

"I… I don't know," Buffy stuttered. "I was coming with Albus and…"

"You were with Dumbledore? What have you done with him?" Severus demanded, harshly shaking her by the shoulders.

Were it a few days ago, Buffy would have simply pushed him away and muttered a witty retort under her breath; but with the events of the past two days and her surprise at doing what was supposed to be impossible, she could only stare blankly at the slightly taller man. 

Severus was in near panic. He'd been heading to his dungeon, intent on seeing just how badly Potter had done on his last potion, when a strange blonde girl had bloody well apparated into Hogwarts. Apparated! Not even Dumbledore himself could do such a thing. Then to hear that she had been with the headmaster severely worried him. Dumbledore was by no account his favorite person, but was one of the only few who trusted him, and having him missing greatly distressed the former death eater. 

"Calm Severus, I am right here," Dumbledore's voice floated from the doorway. "Now, if you would please let Miss Summers go, I'd like to show her around." 

Severus slowly released the girl, still staring at her intently, as if quite sure that she would somehow bring harm to either he or the headmaster. Buffy had the urge to either take a few steps away from the man who'd practically just attacked her or to give him a withering glare. She supposed that both would be in bad taste and instead looked pointedly at Albus, hoping to trigger the need for an introduction. 

At seeing the girl's look, comprehension washed over the wizard and he nearly laughed; having this girl at Hogwarts would be fun. "Ah yes, Buffy Summers meet Professor Severus Snape. Severus this is Buffy, she's had some troubles lately and as a result will be staying with us a while." 

Snape turned his gaze on the blonde woman beside him, "Why can't she just stay with family?"

"They're all gone now," she uttered softly. "Albus, can I please go to my room?"

"Yes Buffy, have Dobby there take you," Dumbledore motioned to the house elf that appeared by her side. She nodded sadly and walked off. Albus then turned to look at the man he considered a friend. "Severus please try to be more considerate next time you speak with her. She's been through a lot these last few years." Then he too left in the direction Buffy'd gone.

Snape could only wonder what could have possibly gone wrong in the young woman's life. She hadn't looked sick or hurt at all, but something in Dumbledore's look had implied that maybe the ache was far more hidden, like his own. 

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The next day started normal enough for the-boy-who-lived. He woke to hear Ron still snoring and found that Seamus had already headed off. That wasn't anything out of the ordinary in the sixth year room. No, what startled him was the smiling house elf sitting neatly on his chest. 

"Dobby, what are you doing in here?" Harry asked, still slightly asleep and not wanting to get up. 

"Harry Potter must come and see. Buffy Summers arrived last night. Harry Potter must get up and meet her."

"Buffy Summers? Dobby slow down and explain it again, I don't…" Harry started but the elf had already vanished off to the kitchen again. 

Moaning, Harry put his glasses on and set about getting ready. He thought about going to the library, maybe Hermione would be there and he could find out what Dobby had been saying. As he started down the hall, just past the common room, he was nearly slammed against the wall by a blur of blonde. 

"Oh God, I'm so sorry. I was just in such a hurry because I don't know where I'm going and I have to find him and you don't really care about this do you? Are you all right? If Willow were here she'd think this was so funny. I asked if you were all right, are you?" the woman before him rambled. 

"Fine," Harry muttered. "Who were you looking for?"

"Professor Snake. Do you know where he is?"

"Professor Snake?" Harry was thoroughly confused. The woman had to be the Buffy Summers that Dobby was talking about, but who was she asking about. 

"Severus. His name is hard; I made it easier. I'd call him Sevy, but I think he might actually cast something on me if I did. Do you know where he is?" 

"He should be getting ready for potions, I think. Why do you need to see him?"

"I need to know why I can apparate into the school and Albus is … oh there he is. Thanks for your help!" As she sped away in the direction of the dungeons, she nearly ran into four other students in the hall. 

"What?" Harry blurted. "She apparated where!" 


	4. Explanations

Chapter Four: Explanations 

"Severus, could I speak with you?" Buffy asked when she'd finally caught up to the potions' professor. 

"What is it?" he answered annoyed. 

"I wanted to know about apparating and Albus isn't…" 

"How did you know Dumbledore?" He knows that he's acting strangely, actually being interested in some young blonde. She is vastly mysterious and if there's one thing that Snape hates, it is not knowing his possible enemies. 

"Giles knew him from before, before watcher's training and that whole Ripper/Ethan/Randall thing. He introduced me to Albus after… after Glory. They both thought I might need some time away from the others, but that was before the truth came out and Giles left to come here again. Then they thought I should come after defeating the First, but the girls needed training and I was still mourning Spike…" Buffy trailed off softly, lost in painful memories that were still too fresh in her mind. 

Severus was lost among the names and times he knew nothing of, and it only frustrated him further that she became more of a mystery everytime she talked. His still didn't understand why Dumbledore saw it important to have her here. He didn't understand how she could possibly need to be here. 

"Dumbledore mentioned that something happened recently…" even though he was curious, Severus refused at actually ask any more questions. Buffy'd thrown him off guard at first, causing him to drop his normally distant behavior. 

"There was an apocalypse. We thought that once we destroyed Sunnydale, after we defeated the First, that it would all be over," she snorted in disgust at their ignorance. "Xander was still heartbroken about losing Anya and I wasn't far behind mourning Spike. Willow seemed to finally be getting over Tara with Kennedy's help. We had nowhere to go, so we went to L.A., to Angel. Everything was truly normal for a while, we were happy. I should have realized that it couldn't have lasted, but I hadn't been that happy in a long time; I didn't want it to end. Then Alecto showed up. She was three times worse than Glory. We weren't ready, not even close, but we still went. I don't remember anything except that when I looked up only three of the girls were standing and we were all covered in blood. Nobody else made it, not Willow, not Xander, not Giles. After that, there was nowhere else to go. I was lost without Giles' advice. I didn't know what to do without Angel. Without out the scooby gang I would've been gone a long time ago, what do I do when they're gone?" By now her voice was barely above a whisper, raspy from choking down the tears. "And then I come here, and I'm still a freak. I just want to fit in for once. I want to have someone else make all the decisions. I don't want to be responsible anymore."

Snape didn't know what to say to that. It didn't matter though, because she turned a moment later and stiffly walked back in the direction she came. Only the laughing in the classroom behind him pulled him from his stupor. Quite disturbed, and much more understanding, he headed off to potions. 


	5. Harry

Chapter Five: Harry

"Well that was the strangest potions class we've ever had," muttered Ron, as he and Harry walked towards the Gryffindor common room. "Snape didn't even torment Neville when his potion blew."

"Yeah, he seemed distracted," Harry agreed vaguely. 

"So do you, Harry. What's the matter?"

"I met this girl today. Her name's Buffy Summers, atleast I think it is. She was in a big hurry to see Snape and she said something about apparating into Hogwarts."

"You must have heard wrong. How many times has Hermione reminded us that no one can apparate into Hogwarts? It's impossible. If Dumbledore can't do it, then it's not possible."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. She was peculiar though, American I think."

Ron grabbed Harry by the arm and started dragging him along. "You have to point her out to me."

"Ron! She's like Charlie's age," Harry laughed but proceeded to look for the blonde who had literally knocked him off his feet. 

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By supper Harry still hadn't seen Buffy, and he was starting to think that he'd just imagined her in his sleep-deprived state. When walking into the Great Hall, Harry noticed one thing. There was an extra chair next to Dumbledore and a tiny blonde woman filled it. She seemed far more dismal than when they'd met earlier, but comfortable even when sitting next to one of the most powerful wizards; though if what she'd said before was true…

"Ron," Harry urged, "that's her next to Dumbledore. That's Buffy!" 

"Whoa," his friend breathed. "Now I can see why you've been distracted."

"What are you two staring at?" Hermione called from behind them.

"Harry's new obsession. Say bye-bye to Cho and hello Buffy," Ron teased. 

"Shut up ickle Ronniekins or I'll…" Harry growled. 

Just as Ron was about to retort, the headmaster stood catching everyone's attention. The Gryffindor trio rushed to sit down and hear what most assuredly was about their new arrival. 

"Everyone I'd like to introduce a new arrival to the school. Miss Summers comes to us from America and I'm sure you will all make her feel welcome," Dumbledore stared intently at Draco and Pansy. "She'll be moving from classroom to classroom helping your professors as she is needed. You shall all see her tomorrow in potions with Professor Snape. Now dig in!"

Harry noticed that Buffy didn't seem all that embarrassed by the attention bestowed upon her by all four houses, especially the Slytherins who gave her disgusted looks. Harry could only imagine that their hate was because she was a muggle or at the very least what Draco would call a mud-blood. He then turned an inquiring eye in Snape's direction, surprised that he would allow Buffy to be near his classroom, let alone in it. Though this morning she had gone to see him; maybe they'd known eachother before? He could only hope she wasn't another ex-death-eater. 

Severus, for his part, wouldn't even allow himself to turn in her direction. He decided that she must have some kind of power, some sort of thrall, to break through his finely built walls. Her confessions earlier surprised him, and although he still was confused by her presence, he felt that he could find an equal ground with her. She had a painful past, he had a painful past, and they were both trying to forget. For now that would have to help get him through the days in her company and perhaps he could learn what Dumbledore most assuredly knew – just why this tiny blonde could capture everyone's attention and not even want it.

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I promise that next chapter I will reveal the whole apparating thing, I just really wanted to get a solid base going before I went all out! Thanx again to all who reviewed. You're the reason I update as much as I do! 


	6. Answers

Catlimere you have got to be the sweetest reviewer ever so this chapter is dedicated to you! 

It's also dedicated to Surka who was the first to mention the fact that they used a portkey in the first chapter. Sadly it has nothing to do with the apparation because she and Dumbledore used the portkey to go just outside of Hogwarts (as far as I know you can't use one to get into the school). She apparated inside the school after they used it. And now the chapter you've all been waiting for – I'll explain how she did it! 

Chapter Six: Answers

For Buffy, dinner passed much too slowly with all the students staring at her. She found that it didn't bother her as much as it did when she'd been in school. Those two deaths must have really put things into perspective. She'd been trying to catch Severus' eye but he seemed to refuse to look at her. She'd spoken with Albus briefly about meeting with him later; he'd suggested they go to his office. 

Minerva looked at her new colleague intently. The girl didn't seem special at all. Buffy'd been speaking to Albus before they began to eat and as far as Minerva could tell, she was American. A young, blonde, beautiful, American – just what was Albus thinking? She also noticed that Potter was interested in the Summers girl. Minerva could only hope the interest wasn't romantic or the poor boy would be crushed. Buffy seemed interested in Severus of all people.

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Buffy was fascinated by the moving staircases in the other parts of the castle, but the one she and Albus were currently on was simply amazing. After all the students had retired to their common rooms, Dumbledore'd led her to an exquisite statue, whispered 'gumdrops', and waited while the statue moved to reveal a spiral staircase. She's never been somewhere with so many wonderful things; not even Dracula's castle could compare. 

They then entered a room filled with moving portraits, all of the past headmasters or the late upper crust of the wizarding community. Albus motioned to a chair before his desk and Buffy slowly slid into it, distracted by the noise of the talking photos. 

"Buffy, I believe you have a few questions…" he started, with a tinkle in his eye- most assuredly amused by her bewilderment. 

"I… yes," Buffy pulled her focus back. "I've been wondering about apparating into…"

"I've been waiting for you to ask, my dear. You see to get here we used a portkey that was supposed to transport us just outside the school, which it did. However it seems as if you never even stopped. It's partly my fault, telling you to focus so clearly on Hogwarts. I just assumed that since you'd never been here nothing would come of it. I have a feeling that since so much magic has been performed on you, especially the spell that pulled you from heaven and the one that transferred your power to the other slayers, that as the slayer you've perceived it as a threat and become immune. The charms and spells protecting the school therefore held no influence against you. I should like to try this further, if you would let me…"

"Are you saying that I can't be hurt by magic anymore?" Buffy blurted. 

"I'm not exactly sure, for the unforgivables may still be powerful enough. I doubt that you would feel the full effects, but something like _Cruciatus_ would make your skin tingle," he smiled.

Buffy smiled as well. This was the best thing to happen to her since before her death – the second one. Although Albus was still speaking, Buffy was lost in her thoughts. She now had an advantage over the big bads, a secret that could end up saving her life. For the first time since arriving, Buffy felt relaxed and at home. 


	7. Hermione

Chapter Seven: Hermione 

Hermione had only seen Buffy Summers for a short while in the Great Hall but she was fascinated by what she saw. The woman couldn't have been taller than the fourth years or more intimidating than a Hufflepuff, and yet Dumbledore himself seemed simply mystified by her mere presence; and if what Harry thought he heard was true, then she could not fault the headmaster in his bewilderment. Although Hermione only begrudgingly liked potions on a normal day, the sixth year couldn't wait for potions to start. Curious as to just what Buffy could do, she hoped that Professor Snape wouldn't make the blonde sit in the back and observe. Hurrying along the passageways, she hoped to get to class early enough to catch any conversation that may pass between the two, and was not disappointed. 

"Severus why not!" Buffy half growled, half whined. 

"I'll not give you a harmful potion, Miss Summers," Snape denied. 

"Albus specifically told you to, and I quote, 'give Miss Summers something that I would normally award you a withering glare for even suggesting.' In his own round about way that means give me something risky."

"I don't care what Dumbledore said, I don't think you're immune and I won't have everyone blame me for you're moronic little stunt," he barked. 

"Sev, I apparated. You saw me. I'm not asking you to hit me with _crucio _here, I'm only asking for one tiny little potion." 

Hermione gasped behind the door, unable to believe that what Harry said had been right. It went against everything she'd ever learned, and she'd scolded the boys countless times for even imaging such a thing. When they found out they were never going to let her hear the end of it. 

"You know it's very rude…" Buffy began, and Hermione thought that Snape was finally going to get it, "to hide behind doors and listen into other people's conversations." 

Hermione could only stare dumbfounded while Snape used his wand to fling open the door and reveal her. The professor looked like he would rather like to give her whatever potion Buffy'd been after, whereas Buffy just smiled with the same twinkle in her eye that Dumbledore often got while looking at Harry. 

"How… how did you know I was there?" Hermione stuttered. 

"I have good hearing," Buffy chuckled. "Wait a minute, you're one of his friends right, the boy with the glasses and…"

"Harry Potter," Snape nearly spat, clearly unhappy with where the conversation was going. He made no move to stop it, though, and that only made Hermione even more amazed with Buffy Summers. 

"Harry, right. Thank you Sev," she nearly beamed at him, her smile impish. She then turned back to Hermione. "As you can see, I'm not so good with names, so sorry in advance if I forget yours."

"I'm Hermione Granger, Miss Summers."

"It's Buffy, Hermione. Miss Summers reminds me too much of Synder and early, tweedy Giles… yuck!" Buffy amended, and with childish glee stuck her tongue out in disgust. 

Hermione didn't know who either person was, but found the comment funny all the same. She almost burst out laughing again at how uncomfortable Snape looked, standing just behind Buffy and glaring at her back while she studiously ignored him in favor of more silly sayings about her own school days. The sixth year could already tell that having Buffy around would make life more interesting, and much more bearable where Snape was involved. 


	8. Lessons

Chapter Eight: Lessons 

Soon the classroom filled with students and Snape could only cringe at their excitement about having Buffy there. Well actually only the Gryffindors were excited. The Slytherins all whispered among themselves and glared at the blonde while she talked to Harry. When he'd had enough, Severus moved to the front of the class and everyone immediately quieted down. 

"Today we're going to _redo_ the fire potion that Mr. Longbottom so studiously blew up yesterday," he snarled while glaring at the uneasy student. 

Buffy caught Neville's eye from her spot behind Severus and winked to calm him. She felt bad for the poor kid who obviously was so terrified of his professor that he couldn't remember what went into his cauldron. 

Seeing where Buffy's attention landed, Draco shot his hand in the air, intent on catching Snape's notice before the lesson really began. 

"What is it Mr. Malfoy?" Snape acknowledged. 

"Why is the muggle here, Professor. Surely she's not intelligent enough to understand anything we're saying," Draco smirked, glad to see the color rise in Buffy's face. What he didn't know was that the redness wasn't embarrassment, it was anger. 

"Draco…" Snape began to caution, but Buffy just waved her hand in annoyance. 

"Malfoy, was it? Drake? You don't have the first idea about real magic. Real magic involves spells so powerful that they can destroy the world. You're right, I've never had to make a snake appear out of thin air, but I'd love to see you stop a Hell God with the trivial little spells you can do. I'm sure it's great and all that you can levitate a pencil with your wand but my best friend could do it with her mind. So next time you decide to open your mouth, Mr. Malfoy, I'd suggest you know who you're trying to insult." While the whole class stared dumbstruck by her words, Buffy merely glared at Draco hoping he'd retort. She'd forgotten how much fun bantering was and now sorely missed those nights in the graveyard with the vamps. 

Dumbledore chose this moment to interrupt, for he always did know just when his arrival was the most inconvenient and most needed. He took only a minute to survey the class's awed expression and the triumphant look on Buffy's face to figure what had happened. He then spied Snape's guise and was surprised to see that it almost looked as though he wished to laugh. Surely Albus must be seeing things for he hadn't seen Severus look like that since before James started pestering him. 

"Buffy, if I may, I'd like to speak with you in my office," Albus gently questioned, remembering his purpose for interrupting. 

"Of course," Buffy agreed, instantly somber. "I'll be right there." 


	9. Surprises

Chapter Nine: Surprises 

Buffy followed the headmaster to his office, unnerved by his unusually somber demeanor. His eyes didn't hold the ever-present twinkle that calmed her to no end, and he didn't give her the half smile he typically saved for hard news. 

In his office, she grew even more worried for the pictures were empty, and even if it was common for the people to move, never had they all gone at one time. Fawkes too seemed to be missing, a fact that Buffy found odd but not unsettling. Dumbledore motioned for her to sit before him, trying unsuccessfully to do the little half smile thing. 

"My dear, Cornelius Fudge came to visit me today. He was rather angry about…" Albus started but stopped seeing Buffy's panic stricken face.

"But I didn't do anything!" The slayer contested. She'd jumped from her seat, and paced across the floor. "McGonagall told me that the Ministry might have questions about me, especially after the whole Umbridge fiasco, but I figured they'd atleast wait until I'd done something wrong!"

"Buffy," he tried to soothe in vain. 

"Not that I would have done anything wrong, because really this is the only place I have left and contrary to popular belief I'm not stupid enough to mess with the magical. I saw what happened to Wills, with the black and bad and all, and she was totally fine before then. So really what did he say that I did? I swear I didn't do it! It's like having another Snyder around, always making things up or twisting around the truth…"

"Buffy," Albus tried again, and this time she seemed to hear him. 

"What? Am I really in trouble, Albus? I don't remember doing…" Buffy calmed enough to sound hesitant and self-conscious. 

Dumbledore suddenly realized just how unsure the slayer felt about her life at Hogwarts. She felt as though if she did anything wrong that they would get rid of her, or worse send her to Azkaban. He shuddered to think just what the dementors would pull from her memories to torture her with. Albus felt guilty for not seeing this earlier and relieving her fears. 

"No Buffy, you've done nothing wrong," he confirmed. "Fudge just happened to hear a human shouting about not being about to find you. He's angry with me for letting a muggle in the school. Obviously he knows nothing of your abilities and I'd like to keep it that way, but we have to find some way to justify you being here. That is for later however, because after finding out whom the muggle was, I felt that I should bring him here. This way you can explain about your position in person and make sure that they understand. I must admit I was quite taken aback finding out who it was. When I came to the funeral, you were by yourself and you did confirm having no one to go to… Nonetheless I'll go and convey him here."

Buffy racked her mind to think of anyone who would be worried about her. She could only think of few, and they were all buried six feet below the ground. Hearing approaching footsteps, she turned to the door just as it opened.

The slayer remained facing the door with unseeing eyes and unmoving feet because there in front of her stood the angry figure of Hank Summers. 


	10. Hank

Chapter Ten: Hank 

"Hank," Buffy whispered, finding it odd that she was still afraid of the useless man that stood before her. She could remember when she was younger and in trouble that he had to leave the house to keep from hitting her. Now that she thought about it, Buffy can guess just whom he went to when he left the house like that – one of his women. Spurred on by her anger she lashed out, "Just what the hell are you doing here?" 

"I'm the one who should be angry, not you!" her father hissed. "I go looking for you, and find not only your mother dead but the whole town gone. Then some freak tells me that I can find you here. What did you do that you had to be sent to some boarding school?" 

"Don't talk to me like that!" she snapped. "Don't ever talk about mom like that again. I called you when she died. You didn't come, but my real father was there. You don't have the right to be angry anymore. You didn't even come to my funeral, what kind of father…" Buffy hoped that he was too livid to catch the last line, because she'd forgotten just how little he knew. 

"Funeral? Is that why you're here? Because you've finally gone insane? I always knew you were a mistake!"

"Mr. Summers," Dumbledore's voice was soft, but anyone who knew him knew it was the voice he used right before unleashing a curse. "I won't allow you to speak to Buffy like that. I brought you here so that the two of you could talk, but if you continue to act like this I'll have you removed. She is a grown woman now and as such…"

"She's not a woman, she's eighteen!" Hank fumed, unknowingly digging himself deeper in the hole he started when he'd divorced Joyce so many years before. 

"I'm twenty-four _dad_, and you know nothing about me!" The slayer knew she was close to breaking and with all the stress she had lately, she probably would. "Albus, I can't do this now. Potions should be over, so I'll go and see Severus. Tell him," she pointed to Hank, "tell him whatever you want. I don't care anymore." 

The headmaster watched the blonde leave, taking note of how rigid her stance was and the shaking of her shoulders. He'd never imagined that things would go this badly. Feeling horrible for upsetting the poor girl, he felt he had to fix things.

"Mr. Summers, if you would," he motioned to the chair Buffy had previously occupied. 

"I want to know exactly what is going on," Hank demanded, still unaware of the danger he was in for hurting a well liked denizen of Hogwarts. 

"I shall start explaining from where you stop noticing I suppose. When she burned down that gym, she was doing her sacred duty. Buffy is the Vampire Slayer. There is a nice little cliché that goes with the title but I think that it would only confuse you more."

"What do you mean vamp…"

"Not now Mr. Summers, you're treading on broken ice. If you say one more thing to upset me I shall have you removed and banned from the premises."

Hank snapped his mouth shut, glaring at the elderly man before him. He couldn't understand just what was going on. The man couldn't possibly hurt him, but he held an air of danger that Hank felt around his daughter often. 

"As I was saying, Buffy is special. She saves the world. After you and Joyce divorced she was sent to Sunnydale, a hellmouth, to fight evil there."

He proceeded to tell Hank of all the things Buffy'd done – from the Master, to Angelus, Adam, Glory, the First. He explained her deaths, both of them, and how she was brought back from each. Finally he spoke of the battle against Alecto, what little he knew. Watching the emotions swim across her father's face – disbelief, anger, confusion, denial – Albus could see why Buffy hadn't even considered him a safe haven. Hank had never once looked worried, saddened, or upset for anything his daughter had gone through. 

"What did she mean her real father?" Hank asked the question that had been bothering him since hearing Buffy say it. 

"I believe she was referring to Rupert Giles. He was her watcher as you know, and they grew very close over the years. He was there when you weren't, so she must have seen him as a father figure." Albus knew just how true that really was, he'd seen how they acted around one another on their visits together, but he didn't want to upset Mr. Summers any further. 

"Who's Severus?"

"He is one of the professors here. Buffy has become fond of him, probably because he doesn't pressure her to be anything. All those years with everyone looking to her for answers, it must be nice to not have to know everything. Professor Snape had a hard past as well, and therefore can see the pain that most do not notice. I think that he's intrigued by her." Dumbledore was most pleased with that fact, hoping that Buffy would rub off some of her socializing skills on the brooding ex-death-eater. 

"I don't want him anywhere near my daughter. I'll be back in a week to collect her from you. She doesn't belong here, with you indulging her fantasies. I'm taking her to an institution where she can get help." 

"You'll do no such thing!" Albus boomed, rising to his full height. "Buffy is here and that is where she'll stay. I cannot believe that you think so little of her. You've ignored her presence for half of her life, just continue on doing it." 

Seeing that Hank had no intention to do what he asked, he pulled his wand from his robes. He hated to use spells on muggles, but he'd promised Rupert that he would protect his charge at all cost. "_Obliviate_," he whispered and watched the dazed expression cloud over Hank's face. 

"Where am I?"

"Hank Summers, you are in England. I found you wondering the streets and brought you into the school to sober you up. You're from America. You had a wife and daughter, but both died in a horrible car crash. You had best go now, and arrange a flight home." 

The amnesiac man nodded, and stumbled from the room. Dumbledore sighed, upset with himself for doing such a thing. His only consolation that Buffy would be better off. 

---------------------

Severus had just finished potions with the sixth years when Buffy staggered into his classroom. She was pale and tense, the way Severus used to be after an encounter with Voldemort. 

"Buffy what…?"

"Albus invited my father here. He was so angry, and still so ignorant. He just listed my mother's death along with all the other things that had gone wrong, he was really flippant about it Sev. He shouldn't be able to hurt me like this still," Buffy cried.

Snape was at a loss at what to do with a crying woman. Normally he would simply walk away, uncaring and contented. If he couldn't do that, he usually got rid of what was bothering the girl, but he felt that Buffy would not appreciate him killing her father. 

"Buffy, what do I…?" 

"Could you just hold me Sev? I know you normally… but I always had Giles and now he's not…"

"Shh…" Snape whispered and carefully put his arms around her, in his first real hug. 

She buried her head in his neck, tears pouring from her eyes. He only briefly felt uncomfortable with the contact before he tightened his hold on her. And this was how Dumbledore found them when he went looking for the slayer. 

------------------------

I know, not as long as DKG's chapters like I promised but it is longer! Thanx to my loyal readers and special thanx to Destiny-Ruler for the master of suspense thing! J 


	11. Leaving?

Little A/N: to all those who reviewed that B/Sev was bad, I'm sorry but I've been setting that up since chapter one so you shouldn't have been surprised. Lisette it would be nice to get a review every so often… hint hint, nudge nudge 

Chapter Eleven: Leaving? 

Saturday morning was quiet. For Buffy who was used to living with twenty odd people, most of who were lively, revved-up, super-powered, teenage girls, quiet was like a Godsend. She had a subdued breakfast with the rest of the staff, since many had heard of her family problems from the day before. Snape had refused to sit any closer than two seats away from her, but he did send veiled glares to those who stared at her too strongly. 

"Buffy, my dear, how are you this morning?" Albus broke the uncomfortable silence. 

"I'm doing just fine," she confirmed. 

"I am terribly sorry for what happened yesterday. I had not anticipated him to be that hostile or tactless. I do hope that you are not too upset with me for allowing him here." 

"Don't worry about it, I'm sure he's already forgotten I even exist," Buffy tried to joke and Dumbledore briefly looked abashed before composing himself. "I was wondering whose class I was going to be helping in on Monday though." 

The professors looked amongst them, trying to decide just who would take on the role of having to watch the slayer all day. Seeing their anxiety, Buffy felt that maybe she really couldn't fit in here either. She couldn't fit in anywhere. While Severus was nice enough to have her the first time, she knew that it would be out of the question to let her intrude again. Having her around seemed to make the little witches and wizards unable to concentrate on anything and that was dangerous in a class like potions. 

"You know Albus," the blonde offered, "Being around all this magic made me remember Ethan. He was a friend of Giles. I'm sure I could stay with him. I could probably just go there now, apparate you know, I'm sure he wouldn't mind." 

The thought of even seeing Ethan again made her blood freeze, but Buffy knew that he was the only one who might not kill her on sight. He seemed to find her amusing and maybe he would take her in as a favor to Giles' memory. She wouldn't have to stay long, she reasoned, only until she could contact Oz. They hadn't talked since he'd left during college, but she knew if she could find him that he would help her. 

Dumbledore had heard of Ethan from Rupert and knew how the man felt about him. In fact, Giles had specifically said that Ethan wasn't to come into the same **town** as Buffy, so sending the girl straight to him wouldn't quite be what he promised. He thought back to the day before, and remembered how on guard the slayer had been, ready to be sent away at a moments notice. He again hated himself for not sitting her down and explaining that he planned to have her here a good long while. 

"Buffy, no," he refused. "You'll be staying here. I'm sure Poppy could use some help in the infirmary." The headmaster looked pointedly at the nurse.

"Yes, I can always use a hand. I'd sure the children would feel much better it you were there to cheer them up," Madam Pomfrey twittered. "In fact, I'm sure that by Monday there will be more of them than I can handle." 

Buffy gave her a smile in gratitude, but still felt awful about being somewhere that she was obviously not trusted. She couldn't understand why they didn't trust her though, because besides Albus and Severus, none knew she was the slayer. It could have been apparating that had them so spooked, but she hadn't done anything extraordinary since. Truth be told, she'd been trying extremely hard to be the muggle everyone thought her to be, her speech to Draco not withstanding. 

"I don't feel so well. If you'll all excuse me, I think I'll go lie down," she muttered not waiting for a response. Both Snape and Dumbledore sending worried glances at her retreating back, but neither going after her either. 


	12. Infirmary Finding

Sorry about the long wait, writer's block sucks. This chapter is shorter than I wanted, but I wanted to get something out. 

-----------------------------------------------

Chapter Twelve: Infirmary Finding 

Monday morning, as it turned out, was one of the least accident prone times of the year. Poppy decided to go speak with Dumbledore, about having her around Buffy was sure, and assured her that there wouldn't be any problems. 

"What would an assistant be worth if not to be around when I can not," the nurse reasoned as she puttered out the door. 

Everything was fine until about noon when a boy came wondering in with what looked like a boneless arm. Buffy had seen him practically stalking Harry every chance he got. 

When she'd asked Harry about it, he'd only answered, "I don't really mind it. It's kind of nice if you learn to ignore it."

The poor kid looked imploringly at her, begging with his eyes for her to fix whatever he'd done. Buffy had only suddenly remembered why she'd never volunteered for this before. One, she hated anything to do with doctors- and two, she had **no** **idea** what she was doing.

"Hi, I'm Buffy. I'm helping Madam Pomfrey today. What's the matter?" The slayer could only hope that sounded more confident to him than it did to her.

"My name's Colin Creevy, and this," he pointed to his right arm that flopped helplessly by his side, "is a spell gone wrong." 

"It's my first day and I don't really know what I'm doing," she confided, knowing she had to tell the boy before he asked her to do something that could get him killed.

"This happened to Harry once, you know," he declared. "Professor Lockhart tried to fix an injury, but he didn't know what he was doing either, so this happened." 

"Really?" 

"Yeah, and he had to spend the whole night growing his bones back. I suppose I'll have to do that too. I bet it hurts a lot."

"Yes, I bet it does," Buffy winced in sympathy. 

"I heard Harry talking about you once. He's says you're special. More special than even Dumbledore knows. He says he can feel it. If Harry says so, I believe it too." As he said this, the fifth year seemed to be studying her, as if whatever Harry saw would suddenly become apparent to him as well. 

"I guess I'm not all that special. I can't even fix anything," she muttered. "I wish I could fix your arm Colin," she added.

Expecting to see his face with a look of understanding directed her way, Buffy was surprised to see all his attention upon his arm. He was looking at it as if it had done a biblical miracle. She was about to rush over to see what was wrong when his head swung to stare at her in disbelief. 

"What did you do?" he cried, and Buffy felt as if she were going to be sick. If she'd hurt him Albus would send her away for good. "What did you do?" He repeated, and then, "You fixed it…" 


	13. Why?

And once again, I've made a slightly depressing chapter, it all depends on my mood I guess. 

Happy Thanksgiving Y'all!!!

---------------------------------------------

Chapter Thirteen: Why? 

"Albus… what is it with me? Why do the powers that be have to screw with everything about me? I couldn't just be a slayer, I had to be one that died twice and still had to keep on fighting. I couldn't just lose everyone, no I had to come here and end up being more of a freak by being able to apparate. No one here likes me and to top it off now I can do wish spells…?" Buffy ranted, her face almost the color of plums.

Throughout her tirade, Dumbledore watched her with an amused expression that slightly fell at the mention of not fitting in. He swore to work that problem out right after figuring out the anomaly that was Buffy Summers. 

"Buffy, try and think of this as a gift instead of…"

"…instead of a curse, blah, blah, blah. I've heard this before. How it's my destiny to help people and this is just one more way to do that. But Albus isn't all this weird stuff supposed to happen to Harry, you know the-boy-who-lived?" She looked confused and scared, a look that Albus remembered hearing about from Giles after she was brought back. 

"Buffy maybe this isn't what you hoped for, but did you ever think that it wasn't you? I should like you to try wishing for something else." 

"Okay, I wish that we were in the potions classroom," She joked and closed her eyes upon saying the last two words.

When she opened her eyes once more… she was still in Dumbledore's office. 

"Okay so that was a bust," She sighed and the headmaster too looked disappointed. "I just wish I had one of Giles prophecy books that spelled out exactly what was happening."

Suddenly, feeling a weight in her arms, Buffy looked down to see one of the books that she'd brought from home – one of the books Giles left her. 

"Okay I didn't mean I wanted it to have a prophecy about this," the slayer grumbled. "I definitely don't want an apocalypse to come out of this."

"So it seems that you have to really want what you wish for it to happen," Dumbledore surmised quite impressed by her obvious power. 

"I have to really want it huh? Well I want Willow and Xander. I want Giles… do you hear me? I want them back! You took them away and I want them back!" Buffy was screaming now with tears pouring from her eyes.

"Buffy…" Albus whispered quite stunned by her outburst and helpless to comfort her. 

"Why? Why did it work for this dumb book and not them?" she yelled and threw the book. "Why won't you let me be happy? Why can't I have them?"

Then the slayer, with all her strength, threw herself upon the floor and sobbed… 


	14. Where’s Buffy?

Chapter Fourteen: Where's Buffy

In the Great Hall the next morning, Harry couldn't help but be worried when he noticed the slayer missing. Sparing a glance at the professors, and seeing that none of them looked worried, only confused him more. Snape, himself, didn't look quite as composed as he normally did, but that could have been due to something as simple as planning out his next attack on Neville. 

"Ron, have you seen Miss Summers?" Harry asked his red-headed friend.

"Not since yesterday, why?" Ron mumbled around his food. 

"When did you see her yesterday?" he questioned and then sighed in exasperation at getting no reply. "Ron, this is important! When did you see her?"

"She was headed towards Dumbledore's office, in a real hurry I'd say. Come to think of it I saw her later too, heading back from there, except I think she was crying."

Harry's face clouded over and he seemed to lose much of his color.

Getting no response, Ron blurted, "You don't think he kicked her out do you Harry?"

"Kicked who out?" Hermione inquired through a yawn, as she had just come from bed. 

"Buffy… no one's seen her since yesterday and Ron says she was upset." Harry muttered, becoming more worried by the second. 

"You think Dumbledore kicked her out?" Hermione's sleepiness fell quickly and she too become troubled over their new 'professor's' whereabouts. 

"No, I don't think so," the boy-who-lived denied, "but I am going to ask Dumbledore where she is." 

-----------------------------------------------

Albus had been is his office all morning, trying to figure out how the slayer could acquire the 'talents' she had. In all known slayer history, no other girl had gained any abnormal sort of power, let alone any magical kind. Just as he was about to start another search, Harry Potter pushed through his door looking unusually upset. 

"Is something wrong Harry?" the headmaster coaxed. It was no secret that he felt a special need to look over this boy particularly closely.  

"Where is Miss Summers sir?" 

"She's not in the dining hall?" Albus inquired ill at ease. The girl had been frantic the day before and when he'd suggested she lie down, she'd bolted from the room with a speed rivaling that of a firebolt broom. 

"No, I was just there and Ron said he saw her come from here yesterday and that she'd been upset…" the accusing tone in his voice could not have been missed. 

"Buffy seems to have developed yet another extraordinary power and that is why she was here Mr. Potter. I found that she seems to not have gotten over her past problems as readily as she made us believe."

"What is that supposed to mean? What past problems?"

"The kind that I'm not free to tell you. If you wish to know, you should ask her. But know this Harry, you're not the only one who has lost loved ones nor are you the only one to fight for your life."

With that, Dumbledore went back to his examination of books and Harry, taking it as the dismissal it was, quietly left in search of someone he knew must at least care about where she'd gone. 

------------------------------------------

"Professor Snape?"

Severus looked from his potion at the call of his name only to see his most despised student. "What is it Mr. Potter?" 

"I was wondering if you'd seem Miss Summers? No one else has seen her since yesterday and I was wondering if…"

At the mention of Buffy, Snape focused on what the boy was saying and was annoyed at what he was implying.

"Are you trying to say, Potter," he interrupted, 'that I would have seen her last night and consequently this morning?"

Harry's ears reddened at the professor's question, but he stammered on, "No, I didn't mean it like that! I was just… it is just… no one else knows and I thought that you might because you two seemed close. Well, she thinks you're close anyway." 

The pleasure at hearing that Buffy thought that they were close was overshadowed by the fact that Harry had sunk so low as to ask him. Did that mean she really was in trouble or hurt? 

"Why is everyone worrying? I'm sure she probably overslept or didn't feel like coming down to eat," he tried to seem as uncaring as usual. 

"It's just that when Ron saw her yesterday she was crying and…"

"What do you mean she was crying," the professor practically growled. "Why hasn't any one gone to her room to check on her? Why hasn't Albus gone to see her?"

"I think that Dumbledore said something to her that made her cry," Harry hinted, hoping to get the angry professor to make Dumbledore explain what he wouldn't explain to the young wizard. 

"Why do you think that Potter? What did Albus say?"

"He said that she hadn't gotten over her past problems as well as he thought, whatever that means. He wouldn't tell me. All he would say is that I wasn't the only one who lost loved ones or the only one who fought. He would tell me anything more."

"He shouldn't have told you that much," Severus hissed. "It's none of your business. You know nothing about her past, Potter, so don't speak so flippantly about it!" 

Harry cringed back at the professor's rage wondering what he'd said wrong. 

"Go back to the hall Harry; I haven't the patience for you now. I shall go in search of Miss Summers and see what has happened."

Before he'd even finished speaking the potions professor was out the door with his robe swaying behind him. 


	15. Understanding

Chapter Fifteen: Understanding 

_Italics _are quotes from the show that explain her past. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Snape spent the better part of the morning looking for the blonde before he took the time to actually think it through. He happened to have been intrigued by the girl so much that he done a little investigating without her knowledge. The small bit of history she'd supplied him with, through her tears, hadn't explained anything of what she'd really gone through. What he'd found severely pained him and, with a background like his, that was hard to do. 

_"You never told me you dreamt of becoming a vampire."_

_"Giles, I'm sixteen years old. I don't want to die." _

_"When he wakes up tell him... I don't know. Think of something cool, tell him I said it."_

_ "What happens Saturday?"  "I kill you."_

_"If Angel achieved true happiness, even just a moment…he would lose his soul."_   "_So it was me…I did it."_

_"You can't do it. You can't kill me."  "Give me time." _

_"She's gonna have it tough, that Slayer. She's just a kid. The world's full of big, bad things."_

_"No, it doesn't stop! It never stops! Do you think I chose to be like this? Do you have any idea how lonely it is, how dangerous? I would love to be upstairs watching TV or gossiping about boys or... God, even studying! But I have to save the world... again."_

_"If you walk out of this house, don't even think about coming back."_

_"No weapons, no friends, no hope. Take all that away and what's left?"   "Me."  _

_"Forever, that's the whole point. I'll never leave. Not even if you kill me."_

_"The important thing is that I kept up my special birthday tradition of gut-wrenching misery and horror."_

_"I don't have a clue what you are talking about and I don't care. I'm talking about watching my lover die."_

_"Dawn, the hardest thing in this world is to live in it. Be brave. Live... for me."_

_"I don't understand theology and dimensions... or any of it, really. But I think I was in heaven. And now I'm not. I was torn out of there, pulled out by my friends._ _Everything_ _here is hard, and bright, and violent. Everything I feel, everything I touch... this is hell."_

_"It is always different! It's always complicated, and at some point, someone has to draw the line, and that is always going to be me!"_

_"Suddenly you're all acting like you can't trust me?"  "We have to be together on this. You can't be a part of this. So I need you to leave."_

He could finally understand why she sometimes withdrew from touch and why she always found the exits the minute she walked in a room. Having to go through all that, through years of making sure that your friends survived, watching while some died, and then finally feeling safe only to lose them all, he couldn't see how she even got out of bed every morning. After her talk with Dumbledore she must have wanted to get away, wanted privacy, and with the ability to apparate she could have gone anywhere. Severus didn't think that she had left the property though, she had no where else to go really. All he really had to do was think. Where would no one go to find her? Where would be the only place that no one would even happen to pass through? Where would be the place that only she felt safe? 

"She's in the Forbidden Forest!" he whispered as the answer came to him.  

He, himself, would rather not be anywhere near there, but he could see its appeal. None of the students would dare venture near, except maybe Potter's trio. Anything that came her way she could handle, of that Snape was sure. He quickly apparated to just outside the wood hoping that she was near the edge. 

"Buffy? Buffy are you there?"

And for a moment, he thought me might have been wrong. That she really wasn't there.

"Sev?" her voice quiet and hesitant. 

"Buffy are you all right?" 

"Fine, just berating myself for actually thinking that happiness was that easy – that I could really bring them back." 

"Bring who back?"

"Everyone, everyone I've killed. Willow. Xander. Giles. Tara. Kennedy. Spike. Anya. Andrew. Dawn. Jesse. Jonathon. And so many more…"

"Buffy didn't you tell me that Alecto killed Willow, Xander, Giles, and Dawn?"

"Doesn't matter. If they hadn't known me, they would still be alive." 

"Stop it! Just stop talking like that! I've killed people. I've killed innocent human beings. Not you. Never you Buffy. You should feel grief for their deaths, you have to because of who you are, but you shouldn't be guilt ridden. They would have died sooner if not for you. You must have heard all of this before, you're just a silly little girl who refuses to be happy. You'd rather suffer, because you want to be a martyr!" Severus knew that had been a bit harsh but nothing seemed to work with her, and it was infuriating to see her die like this. 

"What did you say?" the slayer's voice hissed from somewhere in the forest and the sound worried the professor slightly, for it sounded oddly like the hiss of a former master who often talked to snakes. "I'll kill you! Never tell me what to feel. You don't know what I've been through!"

"If you could find love again after being pulled from heaven, you can surely forgive yourself for deaths that you had no hand in committing!"

"How do you know about that?"

"I know because you were the first thing that interested me in a long time. You were the first person that actually knew what pain was. Not like Potter who has lived in fear of his shadow, not physical pain, but the terrible emotional pain that self-loathing and bitter hated cause. You were the first person who could possibly understand why I'm cruel, why I can't forgive myself, why I can't look in the mirror!" 

"I'm sorry Sev, but I don't understand anything at all, because if anything made sense, the powers wouldn't have taken the others from me after all those years. They would have been satisfied with both my deaths, the countless lives I've saved, and pulling me from the only salvation I'll ever find. I don't understand at all." 

Before he could get any words past his stunned lips, he found himself in his dungeon, and he knew Buffy would not be so easy to find the next time.  


	16. Connections

I chose Cicatrix for the title because it means a scar, and I think Buffy has enough to last her a lifetime both inside and out. In the last chapter I had Severus say that she wanted to be a martyr, which was only because he was in a rage and worried, and I don't agree with that fact because anytime someone you love dies you feel as though you've failed them and I didn't mean for it to sound like he was trivializing her pain. If that's the way you found it I'm not going to apologize for it because it's human to say hurtful things you don't mean when you are upset and that's the way I chose to portray him.

Chapter Sixteen: Connections 

Albus Dumbledore found Snape sometime later still standing in his dungeon with a snarl playing across his lips. 

"Did you find Miss Summers, Severus?"

"Yes, and I think I've made matters worse…" the professor sighed.

"How on Earth could you have done that?" the headmaster wondered, knowing how close the two were and how delicate the situation.

_"You must have heard all of this before, you're just a silly little girl who refuses to be happy. You'd rather suffer, because you want to be a martyr!"_

_"Never tell me what to feel. You don't know what I've been through!"_

_"I don't understand anything at all, because if anything made sense, the powers wouldn't have taken the others from me after all those years. They would have been satisfied with both my deaths, the countless lives I've saved, and pulling me from the only salvation I'll ever find."_

"Apparently, it was rather easy considering my tact. I got angry and let my mouth run wild," the ex-death-eater grumbled. 

"What did you say?"

"It doesn't matter now! All that matters is that I made it worse and it will be that much harder to find her this time."

"Where did you find her Severus?"

"She won't still be there."

"I understand; I was just curious. I thought I'd searched the whole castle…"

"She was in the Forbidden Forest, trying to compose herself I suppose. I've made her terribly angry; I don't think she'll want to talk to me again."

"Nor I," the headmaster acknowledged. "She's not quite pleased with me either."

"What did you say to bring up the pains of her friends Albus? Why would you knowingly bring them up?"

"I hadn't meant to. She's developed a new power, a sort of wishing spell…"

"Which I've had the pleasure of being moved by," Snape muttered. 

"I happened to have worded something wrong and things seemed to have gone downhill from there."

_"So it seems that you have to really want what you wish for it to happen,"_

_"I have to really want it huh? Well I want __Willow__ and Xander. I want Giles… do you hear me? I want them back!"_

"The same happened to me as well."

"What do you know of her past Severus?"

The two then started going over what they knew of the heartbroken girl, oblivious to the fact that one very special boy had been passing by and heard everything.

---------------------------------------------------

Harry paced through the Gryffindor common room, coming up with and discarding all the possible places the slayer could be. 

"Harry what are you doing?" Ron inquired from where he and Hermione were playing chess. 

When he didn't reply, Hermione spied him from her seat and could see the worry on his face. "Harry what's the matter?" she pried. 

"Nothing," he denied, knowing that Buffy wouldn't want everyone talking and wondering behind her back. 

"Harry…" Hermione prodded; sure that he was hiding something. 

"I'm just thinking of Sirius…" he trailed off, feeling horrible for using his godfather's death like that, but it was the only thing he knew would cease their questions. For both Hermione and Ron, and everyone else really, were still unsure and nervous to open the topic with him.  

And like he knew they would, the two just nodded their heads in what they hoped to be an understanding, sympathetic gesture and turned back to their game. 

Harry then fled the room, in both guilt and relief and continued his search for Buffy. He found her later outside still in the most unlikely of places: right beneath the Whomping Willow. Memories still fresh from his second year made Harry pause but he did indeed get close enough to talk to the girl. 

"Buffy?"

"I don't want to talk to you… oh Harry. I thought that you were someone else. What are you doing out here?"

"I was worried. You didn't show up for breakfast and I thought something might have happened."

"No, nothing happened. Nothing close to an apocalypse anyway," a small smile graced her features, pleased with the joke no one else would understand. 

"Are you alright?"

"Harry, do you think that I'm a good person?" the pleading in her voice for an honest answer caught him and he was trapped by her gaze.

"Of course Buffy, but why…"

"Would you still say I was good if you knew that I have done nothing but kill since **I was in school?"**

"I don't understand what…"

"Would I still be good if you knew that I had been to both Heaven and Hell and remember so much more of Hell than my eternal bliss?"

Harry could only guess that she was delirious by the things she was saying. "Buffy, maybe you ought to go inside."

"I think I finally understand what Angel had to go through everyday with his soul and his redemption. But if he could be happy, and he was, with Lorne, and Fred, and Conner, then I can be happy too right? He was happy in LA before I came and got him killed, at least this time I think he went to heaven."

"Buffy, I really think that we…"

"Maybe I've been looking at this the wrong way. They're all together now. Willow has Tara and Kennedy. Xander can be with Anya. Dawn and Mom. Maybe… maybe if I know that they're happy, I can be too. Do you think so Harry? Can you be happy as long you as know that your parents and Sirius are happy?" Her eyes had glazed over and she turned from him, facing the sky seeing something that he couldn't fathom.

"How did you know about them?" he faltered.

"I chose to watch over you Harry, because we were so alike, you and I. So I wanted to know everything so that I could protect you. It's what Giles would have wanted me to do, protect you, because I know how hard it must be for you."

He had started to shake at the honesty in her voice. She was the first person to really get it. Almost everyone babied him, thinking that he needed to be looked after and fretted over like a child. Those that didn't see him that way saw him as the brave and willing hero. He was neither; he was a boy who didn't want to be who he was but did what he had to survive.  Buffy saw that. Seeing his shake, Buffy motioned him to her side. He somehow managed to walk to her without getting the tree's attention and settled down beside her. The Chosen One then pulled The Boy Who Lived into a hug and the both sat and watched the sky until the sun set. 

  ****


	17. Wisdom

Chapter Seventeen: Wisdom 

Harry asks her to tell him about her life 'before', but 'before' to her means before slayer, before apocalypses, before death, 'before' to Harry is before Hogwarts; but she tries to appease him anyway. 

"I lived in Sunnydale, and went to school like a normal girl. I got accepted to college, but had to drop out because my mom died and I had to watch over my sister. Then life went on, bad things happened, and I'm here." Buffy didn't mean to sound so flippant, but nonchalance is difficult when you reduce the death of loved ones to 'bad things happened'.

Harry can tell that there's more, much more, but this is the first time she's really spoken to him and he's hesitant to ruin it.

"You had a sister?" he settles on, hoping she'll elaborate. 

She nods. "Dawn. She was your age more or less. Rebellious like I would have been if given the chance."

The use of the word 'was' hit Harry quickly, but he tired his best not to react. He knew the stares he got when people mentioned Sirius, and he hates those most of all. Her tone was fond, loving, and he was sure that Buffy did indeed miss her sister dearly. He remembers everything that she said yesterday, even if most of it is difficult to understand. The boy is unsure how to bring it up again without causing tears. 

"What is it?" Buffy asks, nudging him with her arm.

"What do you mean?" is his evading reply.    

"You have 'it' face. What is it? What do you want to know? Come on Harry, this is the one time you get to ask anything you want, because no one is around to hear and I can explain. I want to tell you, because we're alike, but I need you to ask. If I start on my own you'll never catch up and I'll bore you with details. Ask." 

"You said that you've killed…"

"Yes, everyday since my sophomore year. Vampires, incubi, succubi, zombies, and demons. Throw in battling evil werewolves and nightmare creatures and you can see I had a bit of a schedule."  

"So you've done this since high school. Haven't you ever tried to get away? I've wanted to my whole life."

"I didn't take it so well at first…" she admits. 

_I didn't say that I'd never slay another vampire. It's not like I have all these fluffy bunny feelings for them, I'm just not gonna get way extracurricular with it.   
  
_

"You learn to live with it though, and cynical or not, I just keep on going and going. I'm like the energizer bunny," she quips. 

_Strong is fighting. It's hard and it's painful and it's everyday. It's what we have to do and we can do it together, but if you're too much of a coward for that, then burn._

_But who am I kidding? Dates are things normal girls have, girls who have time to think about nail polish and facials. You know what I think about? -ambush tactics… beheading. Not exactly the stuff dreams are made of._

"Doesn't the fighting ever get to you? Don't you want to forget about reality and live in denial?" Harry sputters, amazed and confused by how calm she seemed. 

_"You mean life?"        "Yeah, does it get easy?"        "What do you want me to say?"         "Lie to me."_

_I just don't want to deal with this right now. I'm taking a holiday from dealing, happily vacationing in the land of not coping._

"Sometimes…" she confesses, but says no more. 

From where he's sitting, Harry can just make out her profile in the glare of sunlight. The shine of her blond tresses is hard to miss, naturally, but the sun makes it look like gold surrounds her, almost heavenly. Heaven, she'd murmured that yesterday…

"Buffy, yesterday you said that you'd been to… to…"

"Heaven?" she supplies.

"Yeah that, and to… to…"

"Hell?"

"Right, so…"

"You can say the words Harry, I know I've said them enough – sang them even," she pauses, wondering if that memory was still supposed to burn the way it had before, because it was almost humorous now and she hopes that's okay. 

"But Buffy, how are you…" the wizard interjects, flustered beyond all hope. "How are you… here?" he finishes lamely.

The slayer's eyes glaze over like they had the night before and her voice is distant when she answers. "The first time I drowned. I was fighting The Master, kind of my first Big, Big Bad on my own, and I was in Hell. My friend Xander saved me, CPR and all. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened had he and Angel not found me." She pauses again, telling herself not to go down that path. She decided yesterday that she'd done enough brooding, enough for a non-240-year-old vampire anyway, and that she should try and live again. If she could live after her mom, and Heaven, then she could live again now too. "The second time was later, after my mom had died, and I was fighting a Hell Goddess named Glory. They were going to kill Dawn, for her blood, to open a portal. Long story-short, her blood is mine, and so to save her I jumped into the portal. I'm not quite sure if I died from the energy of the portal or the fall to the cement, but I did so, I guess it doesn't matter. I was in Heaven, warm and at peace, but my friends didn't know. They thought I was in Hell again, and so they brought me back with magic. I woke up in my coffin in the cold, dark, ground and had to dig my way out." Shutting her eyes at the memories, to somehow push back the pain, took a moment; and when she opens her eyes again Harry is staring shell-shocked at her.  

Harry doesn't know what to think. She'd killed herself, knowingly jumped, to save her sister. She'd died twice! Then to be pulled from Heaven, to wake in a coffin, he couldn't see how she could stand this.

"It's really all right Harry. I've come to terms with my life. This is why I'm here now. You're why I'm here now. I'm going to make sure that you don't suffer more than a fraction of what I did. I won't lie Harry, thing's will only get worse as time goes by, even if Voldemort dies, there will be someone else. The only thing that makes it worth anything is friends. Ron and Hermione will be enough I know. I know because Xander and Willow always were." 

Harry looks at the smile that forms simply from mentioning those names, her friends, and can see that she's telling the truth. Ron and Hermione will be his salvation, just like Xander and Willow must have been hers. He can only hope that her name might be added to his list. He continues to watch the glow that she radiates at just thinking of them and he wants to share in that joy.

"Tell me about them," he nearly pleads, and if it's possible, he thinks that the smile grew. 

"Well Willow she was bookish like Hermione, but not as confident in the beginning. She down right babbled. She was a witch, oh how she would have loved it here! Xander was our normie, the only one without some hidden power in the Scooby gang, but that's what made him special. He has the most horrible choice in girls though – Cordelia, and ex-vengeance demon, mummy girls. Oh, you've never heard about the She-Mantis have you? Well that's just something that you have to know. It started out like this…"

Harry smirks from his seat and settles deeper into the cushions. He has a feeling she's going to talk all day, but he doesn't mind. He kind of hopes she will.     
  



	18. Walking Partners

Chapter Eighteen: Walking Partners 

"Sev…?" Buffy whispers, only her head visible inside the door.

The potions professor looks up startled. Snape is surprised that she came to him, especially after three days of avoiding and ignoring him. 

"Buffy, hello… um, come in," he requests, already quite uncomfortable. 

"Hi, Sev. I was wondering if you wanted to go on a walk." She looks so hopeful that he can't decline. 

They walk from the dungeon through the castle and then outside. Severus is nervous and is unsure why. He hates not knowing what to say to make things easy again. Were it anyone else, he wouldn't care if there was tension between them for the rest of their lives, but it is Buffy and he's found that he is strangely lonely without her. 

"Buffy, about what I said… I didn't… I mean I… I want to say that I'm…" apologizing is so bloody difficult and he feels inadequate for not being able to do it. 

"When I was young," she recalls, effectively ignoring his stutters, "I used to walk like this with my friends in the dark. I'd sneak out of my house and meet them down the block. That was when I'd wear my most fabulous outfits because the guys showed up sometimes. When I started dating, I'd walk with the boys and they'd try to impress me by naming the stars. They were always wrong of course, but you can't tell guys that – ruins their manly pride and all. Do you know which star that is?" She is pointing into the ebony sky to a small star to his right. 

Severus has never needed to study the stars, so he is completely unsure which it is and doesn't even know any names to guess. It is times like this that he wishes he were someone else, Sinistra or even Trelawney would know this sort of thing. He wishes he knew the star, because then he could prove that he wasn't like the others, that he could understand her. 

"I don't know it," he sighs, deflated. 

"Neither do I," she grins, "no one ever told me the right one." 

Snape finds himself oddly relieved and much more at ease with her revelation. It proves that she's not perfect like he was beginning to think.

"Do you walk like this often anymore?" What he really wants to know is if she walks with anyone else. 

"No, not anymore. In Sunnydale, the nighttime walks were patrols and star-gazing loses its appeal when you have a vamp in your face. Near the end, no one wanted to walk with me anyway. Between kicking me out and the end of Sunnydale there just wasn't a lot of 'us' time, you know? Then in LA, it's no good to walk the nights. It's never quiet there and the stars just aren't the same when you've lost your walking partner…"

"Who walked with you?" From the wince he knows he shouldn't have asked but the damage is done. 

"Spike. He could only come out at night, being a vampire and all. We started walking off and on after the whole 'coming back from heaven thing.' Those first few days when no one knew the truth, I'd sneak out my window like I did when my mom was still alive and we'd walk until morning. I couldn't sleep with all the nightmares about waking in a coffin. He'd tell me all about England and his days as a poet. After he died, I didn't see a point to it." 

"But we're walking now…" 

Her smirk is a clear sign that he's missing something major. 

"Yes, you and I are walking now," she answers and links her arm through his. 

By her smile he just knows that everything is all right. They're walking partners now.

"So you don't hate me for saying that…" he has to know he's forgiven.

"Sev, don't ruin it," she pleads. "Don't ruin it. I'm happy, don't ruin it."

A silence follows as he scrambles for something positive to say. He wants the night to last. 

"My class seems to miss you for some reason that I just don't see. I guess that I'll just have to bring you back permanently to help," the professor teases, unsure if it came out right because it's been so long since he's done it. 

Her smile lights up her whole face and that's answer enough for him. His real reason for having her there is to have her close but some of the students had asked about her so it wasn't a total lie.  

"You may have to fight the others for it. There's a line a mile long to have me, you should know." She's laughing, and though it hurts because she hasn't really laughed since before becoming a slayer, it feels to good to feel again. 

"I'll stupefy them all! No one will ever take you from me," he is only half joking about that. 

She murmurs contently and lays her head on his shoulder. 

"I like it here, Sev. It's calm here. I know that there's a big bad somewhere planning our downfall and I'm pretty okay with that, because hey that's my life, but even with that I feel calm here. Harry gave me a purpose again and you, my friend, are well… my friend," she finishes sheepishly, feeling foolish for ruining her poignant speech.  

"I'm glad you here too," he confides and steers them back toward the castle. It's late and they have a class to teach tomorrow. 

"Who do you miss the most?" Snape asks when they near the entrance. 

"Truly… my mom. She gave up a lot for me and I loved her so much. It was just me and her for a while and it's so unfair that she died. She wasn't fighting. She wasn't the one with a destiny or weirdo powers. I miss her because she loved me and I don't know if she knew how much I loved her."

"I'm sure she knew," he whispers and squeezes his shoulder, the closest he can come to a hug on his own.  

"Get some sleep," he advises, "the students will have a field day with you back. It will be loud."

She nods and with a small smile to him, she heads off to her room. 

Severus walks to his own room, planning to find a star chart and memorize it. He wants to be prepared for their next walk, and he wants to tell her the name of the star she pointed to. Her wants to be what all those other boys weren't. Right. He wants to be right for her… 


End file.
